22 Oct We might have more confidence than we thought
A few days ago I was watching a video of my coach, Matthew Hussey. He was talking about the 3 layers of confidence. Matt has been my life coach for the last 4 years. Most people see him as relationship coach but he's also talks about other area in life. I probably have heard about this topic long time ago but it didn't hit me hard until now.
He said we need to have both competence and confidence. It must be weird if we only have the confidence to do something but don't have the competence. The 3 layers of confidence are surface level, lifestyle level, and the core level. After the video ended, I learned that I have more confidence than I thought I have! His message was amazing, and here is how I know I'm a confidence person.
Let's start with the surface. It's what people see us; how we talk, move our body, how we communicate with people. I get used to being by myself. I feel confidence to eat by myself, go to concert, see movies, travel to another countries, etc. Many of my friends and colleagues said that I have a resting bitch face. I actually laugh about it because I know it's true! I accepted who I am, and what they said didn't make me worry at all. I'm nice to most people (if they're nice to me). haha I may have present myself as a tough, and mean person. But that's not who I am all the time. It's how I protect myself from toxic people. About 5 years ago, I got rejected by a really nice guy. It was the first time I ever approached a guy in person. He probably think I'm awkward but that's okay. Getting rejection didn't make me lose my confidence or stop me from wanting to try again.
Next one is the lifestyle. I think the word lifestyle may explains it all. It's what we do with our lives, our job, hobbies, interests, the skills we have, etc. I'm happy with the job I have now. My hobbies aren't the best but it keeps me happy. My interests are keeping me entertain. I have good relationship with my family, and amazing friends. All skills I have make me feel that I can actually do something that some people can't. I'm proud of myself that I can created the life I love. Even though one day I lost my job or not getting to do what I want, I'll be okay. Because I still have other things to back me up. I see some people working all the time and don't have a life. I can't be like that. I went to Millionaire Mind Intensive seminar of T. Harv Eker in Singapore 7 years ago, and there is one quote that still on my mind, it is "getting paid doing what you love". I see many Thai people keep complaining about their jobs every single day but they never have a courage to leave. I just don't understand! Why should we keep dark energy in our lives and be miserable most of the time. Matt said "I do very well in life because I accepted how pathetic I am." YES! I might not work as hard as some people but I'm living the life, are you?
Last thing is the core confidence. It's the part of our confidence when everything else go away, our confidence will still remain. We can always lose the surface and lifestyle levels. Matt said the way to have this level is to learn how to truly love yourself. You can see from the name of my blog "Love Life Since 86", 86 is the year I was born. I love myself, I love my life. I'm very lucky to have parents who let me do anything I want. They let me choose, and know that I can take care of myself. They trust me. I am my own best friend. I'll say this again that I can do anything I want by myself. Well, unless it's something that need two people.....I probably will need my friend. LOL Many people keep asking me how can I see movies or go to concerts by myself. My answer is because I want to. I'm not wasting my time waiting for anyone to make decisions. You all know that most of the time it's either too late or you end up not doing it. Matt also said "Winners don't wait." He's damn right! I love my family and friends, I really do. But I'm not going to let them pull me away from what will make me happy! Whenever they need me, they know that I'll be there for them. They are my top priorities.
Earlier this year, I ended a 1 year relationship with my ex. My friends were worried about me that I'll be very sad and miserable. My answer to them was "I'm okay. I was crying for maybe 3 hours and I stopped because I started getting headache. I hate it, my head hurts so badly. I just have to move on." They were surprised why I was acting so strong. The thing is I wasn't acting. I am strong, I love my life way too much to let anyone hurt it. If someone doesn't want me in their lives, why would I waste my energy on them, right? I didn't lose them, they lost me. Okay, this might sound a bit arrogant but I think we need to be able to protect ourselves. Protect our hearts.
One of my friend was telling me that maybe I'm the problem of all my previous relationships. Well, I admitted it that maybe I was. That's why I'm seeking help, and I found Matthew Hussey. We can't just go to sleep and wake up knowing how to deal with all problems in our lives. You might think spending money on a life coach is a waste. It doesn't when you found the one that's pretty good! Think about yourself, do you love yourself enough? If not, start learning how. It's never too late to love yourself.